Originally posted 9/6/2016 at The Novel Approach
Delivering and/or receiving sexual humiliation seems to be a ‘hot button’ topic for many people. Indeed, for a lot of folks, it tends to bring up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. However, since it’s an innate part of who I am, I’ve often found the surrounding unease a bit perplexing. That’s not to say that I don’t understand good people empathizing with someone who is suffering from bullying or abuse. I get that—completely. In fact, I believe our ability to empathize has been downright crucial in the survival of humanity. Conversely, I also firmly believe many of civilization’s biggest missteps have occurred when we’ve lost sight of our empathy. Not to toot my own horn here, but empathy and compassion are characteristics I pride myself on having. At times, perhaps even an overabundance of.
But, back to the topic: sexually satisfying humiliation…and more specifically, small penis humiliation (SPH). I’m often asked several questions regarding my sexuality, but unquestionably the most prevalent is Why do you like sexual humiliation? There was a time when I had dearly wished I could’ve provided an easy answer to this query. I mean, heaven knows I spent time examining the question. Indeed, deriving enjoyment from something, which is considered ‘non-mainstream’ by most, led to countless hours spent in self-reflection and contemplation. In the end, I found I needed to be satisfied with a conclusion we’ve all probably come to at some point in our lives: sometimes there are no easy answers and things simply are what they are. Wes and Grif have both come to the same conclusion at different points in their lives as well.
Early on Grif and I had talked, intellectually, about sadism and masochism and about why each of us thought we enjoyed the things we did. It was during that conversation that each of us discovered that same single truth about one another: neither of us knew why the things that turned us on turned us on. Neither of us could identify some event in our lives as the point where the kink was born. Like me, Grif had spent time pondering his kink and more recently, studying, researching, and learning more about masochism. But, in the end, after all of his reading and research, he found no answers to explain his kink’s root. And, like me, it wasn’t something he let nag or bother him; he simply accepted it as another facet of his sex life, not something even remotely related to his confidence, or his self-worth, or his masculinity, or his intellect.
A quick Google search will reveal loads of articles, research, etc. on why we enjoy sex. From in-depth physiological studies about the chemical reaction, release, and production sexual activity produces, to how sex is not only beneficial to our life, but why it can also help lengthen it. Unfortunately however, relatively little clinical research – that I’m able to locate – has been done on SPH. Not that your Google search will come up blank. On the contrary, there’ll be no shortage of search results returned. Sadly, relatively few will contain any scientific research. However, what your browser will be filled with are loads of porn and blog sites – the likes of which inevitably lead me down a Tumblr-esque rabbit hole where hours are magically lost on the most carnal of clicks. The cause of this lack of real information is somewhat bewildering. Perhaps it’s due to SPH comprising a relatively small (*winks*) component in the overall sexual spectrum? Or, perhaps it’s due to SPH directly relating to smaller male genitalia; there’s virtually no argument on the importance society places on a man’s size and, thus, how much of a man’s identity can be wrapped up in that single physical characteristic. Given those possibilities, perhaps it’s no surprise so little research has been done. Or, perhaps it’s because…? However, what those internet searches did provide me with was validation. I now know, unequivocally, that I’m not alone in my kink.
Grif wasn’t the first sub I’d met with his particular kink. Small Penis Humiliation was actually not that uncommon among masochists—most of who had perfectly normal sized genitalia. However, Grif’s small dick was the thing that allowed his masochistic pleasure to bloom. It was something he could focus on as the reason for deserving the pain, the denigration, the denial, the submissiveness, the desire to please—all of which brought him enormous pleasure. Rationally, we both knew, understood beyond a shadow of a doubt, it was nothing more than that; both of us, likely, were simply born desiring the things we desired. I was simply Wes and he was simply Grif.
Even though there doesn’t appear to be any scientific grounds to derive reassurance from, all is not bleak. Through the aforementioned self-reflection, kink blogs – and even porn sites – I’ve concluded much. The most important and relevant to this conversation, I believe, is that acceptance, and eventual embracement, of our quirks is an essential part of our happiness. At least that’s been the experience in my own life. So in closing, if you’ll allow me to devolve and become a bit crass… If I derive enormous pleasure from the Hubz slapping my face, calling me a fag, telling me to kneel, servicing him while being verbally humiliated about my dick’s size, and knowing I likely won’t be allowed an orgasm at the end, makes me happy, brings me contentment, enhances our sex life…I’ve decided not to dwell on ‘whys’ and just be thankful. Thankful, after nearly thirty years of marriage, for our ability to honestly communicate our desires, thankful I’m no longer hung up on said desires, thankful for a very fulfilling sex life, thankful it led me to writing my first novel, thankful for the resulting friendships it’s brought me, thankful for…all of it.